07.23.08
Roses – part 2
The door bell made her extract herself from the cosy chair she occupied.
- “Who is iiiiiit?” she singed when she got close enough to the door to be heard by her visitor.
A mock answer came:
- “The wolf”.
Heart racing, she opened the door.
- “You need to find your own answer to that”, she mumbled, eyes down, although she felt a tingle that he remembered the childhood story she told him. “You don’t deserve to see my eyes, nor to be looked upon“, the stubborness flared inside her. One second after that she looked up in surprise from the yellow flowers trapped in his hand, to the green and hazel eyes that struck her with their puppy act. She put on a serious and stern face while she took the flowers he presented. Not looking at him, she turned and walked back to her chair. Seconds later he followed.
He took his own chair, looking around her things, stopping briefly to eye the new sketch. She stared at the stubborn eyes looking back. The puppy eyes act got dropped somewhere midway to the kitchen balcony.
- “You want to tell me something?” she inquired.
- “No”. The answer came back determined.
She carefully studied the flowers. “I need a tall vase for these ones, and I don’t have one here…“, she thought while extracting a single flower. Holding the end of the stem with two fingers, she whipped it over his cheek. He let out a gasp and looked in her daring face, grin not yet installed, like when she was doing her best to angry him. Yellow petals scattered to the floor, followed by the stalk. Another flower got picked from the bouquet, then another. With each swish, her sneer turned more and more into a wide grin. Soon thin red lines covered his cheeks and neck. He didn’t move. His eyes darkened, while he waited for her to be over.
Finally the last of the stalks fell to the literred floor. Petals all over his shoulders, he concluded:
- “Thank goodness I didn’t get you roses.”
Her laughter was caught by the wind, along with some yellow petals.
07.21.08
Cerere sakura girl … inceputuri
Roses – part I
He pounded her to the bed, tightening his grasp on her wrists to the point of breaking. As if it was her body that angried him, and not the deaf stubborness behind her hazel eyes, now turned darker with helplesness.
- “Say that you love me too, say that you love me too …”
The hand on her neck, holding onto the sides of it, kept pressing her head into the pillow and back up and then again with each word growled by the voice that just a few good minutes ago was whispering sickenly sweet into her ear. She sat her jaw and grinded her teeth into silence. “No, sir, I am not going to say that to you!“, screamed the stubborn creature inside her head. “You will not get that from me, if you break me into pieces, if you tear me into nothingness. If you fuck me to the edge of insanity. If you and only you say goodbye. Because I don’t say that. Never. It’s not enough for me to say that. Just some automatic response. It HAS to be true. I HAVE to come to the point of saying it on my own. ‘I love you’, not ‘I love you too’. Never ‘I love you too’ …“
The knees that blocked her hips were digging deeper in her flesh with every twitch of her body, the weight on top of her pressing harder and harder. The hand that freed her neck was now roaming all over her, finding her mouth, her breast, her belly, grabbing each in turn, then leaving just as she started to want more of that.
- “No”, she worded, hardly breathing, the thoughts resounding in her head, making less and less sense.
Their eyes stayed locked together for all this time. The vein pulsed on his forehead … “Oh, how I want to put my lips on it, drink in all your pain … If only I could want it, if only I’d want to can do it”.
His hand stopped rampaging her upper body and took hold of half of her face. His face drew close, hot breath flowing in her face.
- “I want to hear it from you. Now! Tell me!” The coarse voice made her stop breathing.
- “You can’t make me”, she whispered. “No one can.”
She grinned cruely. “You may need to know it, and I am not covering that need. You will always look for a proof of it. And I will always break them. Because if you are sure, if you feel safe, then you will leave. And I am the only one that leaves.”
- “What more do you want from me”, he burst out, his eyes rummaging hers to digg out the truth behind her words.
- “I want you to make me yours. I want you to be mine. I want you. I want …”
The brutal, angry kiss pushed the words back into her throat, just as his tongue swimmed deeper in. The crushing weight came down, bringing stars in her vision, making her twitch inside and out, drawing moans from her.
The chill air blanketed her and she started shivering, after the initial gasp froze her lungs. He was gone. Stormed throgh the door and left her tangled in her desires. “They’re just words … ” whispered some stray thought, while she wrapped herself in her own arms. The night slowly crawled by.
“You would leave anyway, maybe all this incertainty already broke you that badly. And you will find some nice girl to patch up the hole I’ll leave in you, but you won’t love her. You’ll be grateful to her. Because she loves you. And that, my sweet, precious, crazy, insane man, will be so sad. The saddest thing on the face of the earth. To not love. So many are sad because they are not loved. What do they know?”, she kept on thinking, addressing her earlier assaulter.
Morning sun started to creep from behind the closed curtains. She left the crumpled nest with a sigh. A yawn, a stretch and then the morning ritual dragged her in the new day. Work, friends, some written words to share with the close ones, some coffee and casual chat with some others …
Then evening came and she withdrew in her balcony, to have some wind for dessert. Hot tea, crayons, sketchbook, a book, a pile of magazines kept her company. And dark chocolate. She licked her fingers as she watched her neighbours go about their business.
The radio played Duran Duran’s “Come Undone”. She smiled.
07.17.08
Coffee with cream
He just moans and turns on his back to let me curl to his side. His eyes are glued. I kiss him with the biggest smile I can muster so early in the day. He takes my hand in his and rests both of them on his hardened groin. Damn, the warmth of such gestures fills me just up to my ears. They get connected with an impossibly big life-is-so-pretty smile.
I touch it long sidedly with the tips of my fingers, going up and down, at some point running not just the fingertips, but the tip of my nails on it. As his hand leaves me not much space on the toy, strong and quick moves of his fist making me moan, I palm his balls and join the rythm. One stiff arm curls over my neck, that is peacefully resting on the shoulder, and the hand, attached through the wrist to the same arm, sticks to my nex and pushes me down. Altough the message is clear, I still have an arm around my neck and thus I am incapable of moving. It is not so good to not drink your coffee. Mechanics of movement slip from one’s mind, by example.
07.16.08
Wolf
As I lay under the tree, I see the kaleidoscope of sky through the ever changing leaves – each and every time a brach rustles or a leaf gleams in the sun. It stays with me even as I close my eyes, twitching without rest. The leaves play with the wind, turning their color from green to see-through gold, as to let the sun rays drop in the tall grass that surrounds me.
I feel like snapping at the yellow little flower that has nothing to do today, but to keep on landing on the tip of my nose. Fortunately for her, all of her many sisters make such a beautiful and seemingly forever stretching cover for the hills that meet the pure blue sky … the same color as the innocent eyes of a pup.
I stretch and roll and I love the smell of fresh torn grass and the deep musty smell of earth … until I feel my fur tangling itself with polen, yellow as well, like the eyes I look this world through. I would stay here until the moon calls me to start chasing her … in the quitenes of the night … never letting me reach her. That Cold Creature that would not come down from it’s starry cradle, no matter how long and eager I call for her.
Once I’m done smelling the yellowish flowers, I’ll sink in the darkness of the forest. I simply do not like running in the open field … its lack of obstacles makes me wary of it.
But on days like this, you just have to stop and fill yourself with colors … maybe even dream a little … eyes squinting sleepishly in the light. Light softened by the thousand of leaves. Eyes that see so well through the dark of the night. Unforgivingly gazing at the fires of humans.
I am hungry.
07.14.08
What is thought?
To think is nothing. To act is everything. Therefor this whole blog is nothing. Enjoy 
.
P.S. Don’t take yourselves too seriously. You might end up not enjoying so much. Example: you read something, it bugs you for whatever reason, you post a comment to show your disagreement of the whole thing, the author tells you he/she/it doesnt care of your opinion, you get mad … Conclusion: you enjoy less stuff. So … whatever you read on this blog, find a way to enjoy it. And tell me about it. I enjoy that.
